A List of Nothing In Particular Bad

作者: sunny 11 年，3 月 ago

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Sunday morning, my husband’s voice comes through the MSN window on computer screen. Having been physically stuck in China since last year, on line MSN with his wife and son in USA become his life support. His application to reenter USA has been under administration check for more than one year while usually this kind of cases took several weeks. Until now, no other word than a simply “pending” we can get from the Department of State USA.

“The doctor said my back pain needs hospital stay”. He said.

“Are you sure about it, how bad is your back now”? I clearly know the endless waiting is killing my husband’s health. But I don’t know what else I can say.

“I can’t sit for more than 10 minutes, then my back and leg will kill me.”

“But who will take care of you? And staying in hospital is not good.” I am a doctor in China and I clearly know how risky in the hospital.

“Kei, kei, zee, zee” some noise of blowing nose and cleaning throat come from my son’s room. He wakes up, and starts to make these sounds every 10 seconds.

“What’s the matter with Jiang” my husband’s sound goes up, “His nose problem is still here? Why you don’t give him a lot of fluid? Why you don’t bring him to see doctor?”.

I don’t want to answer, I know how much time I have recently after I do my work, prepare immigration petition, cook the meal, do the laundry, and clean the house all by myself.

“Kei, kei, zee, zee”, my son walks into the living room, leaves a track of scattered tissues on the floor. “Pick up the tissues”, I say to him. He picks up one and sinks into the sofa while cleaning his throat.

“What’s the hell is Jiang’s nose? Do you forget to give him the Chinese medicine I mail to you?” My husband’ voice continues goes up.

Without a word, I pour a cup of water into the coffee maker and start to wash yesterday’s dishes. Have been tried to answer his question like this, I feel so helpless.

The coffee is ready but something wired floating on the surface of it. It looks like oil. Where the oil come from? I look around and catch the measure cup I used to pour water. The oil drop on the bottom tells me that my son used it yesterday to measure cocking oil and did put it into dirty dishes.

A rush of tear comes out; I drop the cup, run into bed room and start to cry. What’s the hell of the whole world? Nobody help me but bother me. Why all these bad things piled up on my life?

After several minutes, I calm down and start to think. I have to find a way to release and do something else. I decided to make a list of nothing particular bad. If I can find something not bad now, maybe things are not that bad.

1 Today is Sunday and you have time to take care of this mess.

2 The coffeemaker is old, maybe it is time to get rid of it and buy a new one.

3 It is not bad that Jiang has trouble in his nose not his eye or brain. I think I still have some medicine in closet for him.

4 It is not bad that my husband has trouble on his back not his heart, I know he has a health heart and he still love me and his son.

5 He is not here, so I can just shut off the computer when he yelled to me.

6 I have some well grown herbs ready to eat on back yard and will be good for lunch.

7 The weather outside is good.

8 My son’s music class is late afternoon, so I have some time for myself.

9 My current job is still OK for some time; I still have time to searching for a better one.

10 My husband case’s pending is better than rejection, and even his application to enter USA is rejected, I will go back to China after my son go to college.

11 I have a lovely house and all the things in front of me are from my hard work.

12 The immigration petition is almost ready and I have 50% confidence to have it approved. ……….

So, things are not that bad now, I have at least handful things not in particular bad. There are always different ways to see the world. And things will be better eventually.

20 minutes later, I talk with my husband while I am washing the cup for my son’s medicine, “I have some suggestions to you back pain……………….”

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